Kicking the Bucket List

So often, when people talk about the things they want to do before they "kick the bucket," they focus on some thing or place, e.g., skydiving or seeing Paris.  Now, I think that having long-term goals and working towards accomplishing those goals is worthwhile and even commendable.  However, could the items being added to a bucket list hold some misplaced hope?  Do they think that their arbitrary goals will give their life meaning?

When faced with the reality of time running out, people may want to experience something unique or revisit a favorite place.  Often, children with cancer want to go to Disneyland or meet an iconic public figure.  What remains unspoken, because it is assumed to be part of the wish, is that the experience only holds meaning when it can be shared with others.

This past winter, I was having some heart symptoms that gave me serious pause.  Since then, "kicking the bucket" has become more of a reality to me.  Even though I am not in my twilight years, the sun is moving closer to the horizon.  As a result, I have wondered if there was anything that I wanted to do before I passed from this life.  Did I have a bucket list?  My answer, "No.   There is no thing that I need to do or see that will give my life meaning or satisfaction.  I am content."  So, if there is no thing, then what does have meaning for me?  Friendship. Plain, old-fashion, down-to-earth people.

It is a simple concept and you may think me silly, but you are on my bucket list.  I want to have a relationship with the people that God has put into my life.  Holding, touching, hugging, laughing, crying, and loving are what will last years beyond my time here.

If I can add a piece of comfort, love, or encouragement to those I meet along the way, then I feel accomplished at the end of each day.  No grand gestures: just little joys - tiny jewels added to the soul of another.

Relationships are at the core of our being.  We ordinary people need others to care for and to love, and we need others to love and care for us.  So, kick the bucket list and start living today as a sojourner.  Travel the path before you and into the hearts of all those you meet along the way.

The Myth of Status Quo

Throughout history, people have had to face change.  It is a constant state of being.  Unavoidable.  Yet, we behave as if the delusory theory of status quo were the norm.  We seek this unattainable living arrangement of "everything will be just as it is today."  I like to call it, "The Myth of the Status Quo."

Often, we seek status quo as if it were the preferred way to experience life.  We want life to be a series of comfortable "knowns."  If most of us were to have our way, we would want a life of ease:  no conflict, no change, and no challenge to our thoughts, our lives, and our ways.  Sometimes, people will even prefer to stay in a bad situation because they know what to expect.  (Certainly, you have heard the adage, "The devil you know is better than the devil you do not know.")

If we can accept the reality that change is inevitable, then we will find that our lives will play out with less stress, more peace, and more joy.  How we respond to life's transitions reveals our foundational faith about life.

For example, if you were to lose a loved one: How would you react?  What changes would occur as a result?  Would the grief become unbearable, unrecoverable?

For me, it was my husband, Allen, whom I lost when I was 30 years old.  Within six months of his diagnosis of CANCER, I had transitioned from a young mother to a young widow.  During that short period of time, Allen transitioned from a healthy, vibrant, young man to an unhealthy, weak, young man.  We were redefined.  Our focus changed.

For many, the battle is lonely and despairing.  Me, I was "lucky" enough to have a strong faith in God.  Allen, too.  As we prayed daily for his recovery, we extended our arms and drew a circle around our three year-old daughter.  Our time together was filled with laughter and love.  Even as he was facing certain death, we continued to pray for healing, for each other, and for our daughter.

Up to the moment his passing from this life, I continued to believe in God's healing.  Because of my faith in a benevolent God, I was able to grieve the loss of a wonderful man without the anger that consumes the soul.  I was transformed.

You may think I am foolish to believe that a loving God would deny my earnest request and "allow" a young father to die.  This is where the dichotomy exists.  However, it does not exist in God; it exists in us.  The truth is that from the moment we are born, we are transitioning to the moment of our death.  However, we behave as if death is avoidable.

Rather, if we can accept this harsh reality, we can begin to live with more joy.   Make no mistake.  I am not advocating giving up.  Rather, be transformed by the renewal or your mind.  Death is inevitable but it does not have to be the final word.  For we know that this life is momentary. Therefore, let us love deeply, forgive others, and find joy in each moment.