Are You the Other?

Just as Christmas lights are a string of bright bulbs connected together, our life is a string of one event connected to the next event.  Our memories string together pivotal moments in which we determine who, how, and what we are to the world around us.

For me, I believe that every event can be placed into one of three general categories.  Events occur as the result of: (1) circumstances; (2) your actions; or (3) other's actions.  Further, we can subdivide these three categories into joyful occasions and sorrowful occasions.  Today, I am interested in the further examination of painful events.

Sorrowful events as the results of circumstances are not often easy to resolve.  We would like to blame something.  Finding the cause and placing blame can propel people into dark and dangerous thoughts.  The randomness of tragedy or disease cause many to cry out in pain, "Why me?"  They might jut out their jaw and clench their fist with the unfairness of it all.

When we suffer the consequences of our own actions, a myriad of responses are available to us.  Do we blame someone else?  Do we rationalize away our responsibility?   Do we think we should be given special treatment?

For me, the most difficult human suffering is that which we experience at the hands of others.  Without any effort, we can conjure up multiple images of man's inhumanity to man.  Often, the actions are perpetuated by those who think that their needs exceed the needs of others.  Mothers neglecting their children, spouses beating their partner, strangers planning evil against others are some of the most egregious examples.

There is a more subtle type of trauma that falls within this third category.  It is through the callous behavior that happens when we fail to consider someone else's feelings.  I have witnessed many times how people push aside another for the benefit of themselves.  Yet, if they find themselves in the less powerful position, they want to be the focus of care.

Since I suffer from the effects of Myotonic Dystrophy, you might think it strange that I would consider the affliction that is due to the actions of another more unbearable than an inexplicable, capricious disease.  However, my disease does not single me out for tribulation.  It is just a genetic fact.

However, when one person harms another person with intentional action, it is a choice to be evil.  If you think that evil is too strong a word, then I challenge you to reconsider your thinking.  To harm another, to hate someone, to think more highly of yourself, or to presuppose your entitlement to special treatment are all actions of a selfish coward.

Your Soul-Heart

Today, a friend and I found ourselves discussing choices.  Specifically, life choices and how they translate into our daily decisions.  Every day we decide who and what and how we will live our life.  Our soul-heart drives us forward.

As my friend and I looked back on our lives, we both acknowledged that we made unproductive choices when we were younger.  As our discussion continued, we also agreed that having children changed us for the better.  As mothers, the love for our children grew inside us and expanded to fill our world.  Time for wasteful partying had passed.   Desire to provide our children with love and safety drove us to assess ourselves and we found ourselves lacking.  Our soul-hearts changed our minds.

Hidden within almost all of us is a thread between our mind and soul-heart.  In school, we learned about how our brains and major organs, including the heart, are interdependent.  However, most of us graduated from school ignorant of how our minds and soul-heart are interdependent, too.

What is a soul-heart?  The embodiment of our emotions.  What we mean when we say, "I love you with all my heart."  What is our mind?  It is certainly not our brain.  Rather, it is that rationale that we use everyday to make decisions.

All this has become clearer to me as I face my daily challenges.  Sometimes, I wake up with no desire to do anything.  Really, I just want to lie in bed.  My mind wants to rationalize and justify this poor decision.  It is my soul-heart that stirs motivation within me.  I know that if I give in to the lethargy today, it will be more difficult to fend it off tomorrow.

Finding purpose spurns me on.  It was the birth of my daughter that first brought me back to God.  It is now God that keeps me fighting my disease so that I can be with my daughter.  Both God and my daughter transformed my soul-heart and, consequently, renewed my mind.

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind."  Rom. 12:2

The Essence

Pick an activity, any physical activity.  Now, imagine that you can no longer do it.  How much of your sense of worth, your identity, your very being is tied to that activity?


At first, you might think that the activity has very little to do with how you define yourself.  I challenge you to reconsider.  Until you can no longer do that activity, you might not realize how much it is a part of your understanding of you.

Living with muscular dystrophy has taught me about what is important.  Being robbed of my physical abilities, I felt robbed of my identity (my essence of whom I am).  Slowly, I realized that I felt that if I cannot do (fill in the blank with a physical activity), then I will not be loved.  I was changing my life's story into a disabled being, a "crip," a sideliner.

What a shocking thought!  The identity of my being was tied to what I could do for others.  The more that I needed someone to even do the most simplest activities, the more I felt unworthy.  Prior to my disease taking a stronghold, I loved walking in the woods.  The urging desire to go on walks with my grandson burned within me.  I wanted to do the little things, such as floating sticks in the stream, picking him up over a fallen tree trunk, or finding frogs in the mudbank.  Not being able to do these activities put me in a very dark place for awhile.  I felt invisible.

Knowing that I needed to climb out of the "what about me" pit, I looked to God for guidance.  There it was in 2 Corinthians 10:5: "...take your thoughts captive."  That was it!  I needed to take my thoughts captive.  As my sister Sharon would say, "Your mind is lying to you."

Following this advice, I have found joy again.  It was always there, waiting for me.  My focus was on what I could not do rather than what I can do.  My worth is not based on a fleeting activity, rather it is based on what God sees in me.

This is your essence:  Watch your thoughts, for they become words.  Choose your words, for they become habits.  Study your habits, for they will become your character.  Develop your character, for it will become your story.

The Walls

Imagine you are sitting on the cold concrete - watching the four walls approach each other as icy water seeps through cracks in the floor.  To make matters worse, the ceiling is grinding down towards you.  The space available is slowly decreasing.  At first, the movement was so slow, it was imperceptible.  Now, though, you are aware of the confinement.  Every moment, you are losing ground.  You are trapped!  What can you do?  How can you get out?

I have been living with Myotonic Dystrophy for six years.  My active mind, trapped in an ever decreasing physical world.  Aching, my muscles cramp as if I am sitting in arctic water.  Once upon a time, I was an independent woman.  Walking trails in the woods, painting outdoors, and enjoying sightseeing trips were some of my beloved activities.  Today, I am a dependent woman whose simplest needs are met by other people, machines, and equipment.

"What can I do?" Everyday, I have to ask myself this question because the answer is ever changing.    I confess: my response to this question will determine the outcome of my day.  As my body loses strength, I know that my mind must increase in strength.  After all, the mind is tricky.  It can be a friend or foe.  Being heedful of what I tell myself will determine not only my mental well-being but my physical well-being as well.  How can this be?  The mind can create walls, too.

Our thoughts will determine what words we use.  We talk to ourselves all the time.  If we tell ourselves we cannot do something, then we will not be able to do that which we told ourselves we could not do.  (Self-fulfilling prophecy.)  Thoughts become words, words become behavior.  Our behaviors become habitual.  Our habitual behavior is how we define ourselves and are defined by others.  Ultimately, our behavior defines and determines our character.  Your character will determine your story.

What story do I want to tell?  If my character will determine my story, then I must take my thoughts captive.  So, i tell myself:  "Yes, you are trapped and the walls are closing in on you.  Yet, you are free to move about the unlimited landscape of your mind.  Be grateful, be happy, be gracious and giving."  My independence has been re-found.  I have a way out.