Sojourners from the first painful contraction that impels us forward. We are forced into a bright, dry land in which we need to gasp the inert gases around us. Our bodies knowing how to separate the oxygen molecules and expel the carbon dioxide, we are born.
From that first moment, our path is determined for us for the next decade or two. We are powerless in a world of giants. Everything needs to be interpreted, broken down into small components of digestible information.
Over time, we learn and adapt. At first, what we do and how we do it is determined by others. Then, the days slowly evolve and the power shifts to us. Eventually, we are the author of our days and behaviors. How and what and when are all answered by us. We start to ask ourselves, "How do I begin?" Year after year, we form a basis of understanding and solidify our philosophy of life.
For the last several years, I have had to find new answers to the how, what, why, when and where questions. My independent mind needs to submit to my dependent body. New problems crop up and the questions are not quickly answered.
The process repeats itself, and I am still a sojourner being impeded forward by painful contractions. My body still craves the inert gas around me. About 10 days ago, I had a couple of episodes of shortness of breath, chest pain, blah blah blah. A new problem that needed a new answer. Since my tendency is to underplay events, I just waited for the episodes to pass.
Again, everything needs to be reinterpreted, broken down into small components of digestible information. So, I called the cardiologist to find out what should be my behavior in the future. Another beginning; a new basis of understanding life.
I am still waiting for the results of the tests; but, it will probably bear out that I had an unpleasant reaction to a new medication.
The question still remains: how do I begin? Although, now, there is another question: how do I end?
