RENEWAL

Living with a slowly-deteriorating, chronic illness requires me to reassess everything I do. All the time, I need to make sure that I am not operating under the wrong assumptions. For those of you who have not had this experience, it is difficult to fathom the process. One day I can open a container of yogurt, the next day, I cannot. Then, suddenly, a week later, I can again. Over time, the "I cannot days" out number the "I can days." Over time, the "I can days" might stop entirely.

It can be quite maddening - plans need to be conditional. Without notice, I rearrange my schedule to accommodate my body's demands. I have started to say, "If I feel up to it, I would like to . . .". Everyday, the counting of energy expended on any activity of daily living needs to be assessed. "Is it a good day for a shower? What else must I accomplish today?" I must find a way through the uncharted territory of my new life.

So the process begins: my new life is defined.